Tubbie or not to be..that is the question…

See here’s the thing, Dave and I are middle aged..not old.. but not as young as we were, if you get my meaning, now strange things start to happen to ones body at our time of life which most men..oops did I say men, I meant to say men and (cough) women seem to have problems with. One of these dilemmas happen to be the putting on of flub, for those of you who don’t know the word flub, cause its a Linda word I mean (fat), now I’m sure there’s a good reason for this, maybe its insulation for the Winter.

I happen to notice that since we have been back off tour beloved has gained somewhat unnecessary amounts of flub, now I don’t want to blow my own trumpet, but I have always been known for being caring, sensitive and loving, so with this in mind I decided to gently confront beloved.

epa1629lOn this occasion however, I decided the direct approach….

See now you all think I’m nasty, look I’ve read the books done all the research, ı’ve even bought some new scales, apparently its all in the planning, they call it a BALANCED DIET.. I understand now….


Start simple they said so I did, without informing beloved I started to put one sugar in his tea instead of 2 (and buy the way he has 2 cups per time, one in a very big mug), of course he noticed straight away, but I informed him I was chief tea maker and it was for his own good, little did I know I in fact  have a..well how can I put this, a sugar junkie as a husband, the moan swings the uncontrollable shaking the screams of pain the..sorry getting carried away here…. anyway…

I was going to have to act quick, detox..no, too harsh, rehab… no, don’t have one here, there’s only one thing for it, I shall have to tackle this on my own… every time beloved went into the kitchen to make tea I crawled ninja style to keep watch, and yes my suspicions were right, he WAS putting in 2 SUGARS in each mug!!!!

For just this event  I had a back up plan….


He will thank me in time, this I am sure… so next on the agenda , KEEPING FIT… the idea was I would go shopping into town and Dave would come up with ideas of how he would like to keep fit, and tell me his findings on my return, I thought I would give him this chance to redeem himself…


This as it turned out was NOT going to work….

Fear not for I have bought wholemeal brown bread and diet cream cheese with tomatoes, hes gonna love this, and fruit tea…

Hes just not getting with the programme cause he made this grunting sound and then looked at me as though I had 2 heads when I gave him lunch, I shall refrain from throwing anything at him because hes obviously going through cold Turkey.

Beloved suggested maybe walking, ok I can do walking, so next trip into town we abandoned our bikes and set off in 36c heat with the humidity enough to constıtute looking like ı’ve just been in a shower, now how on earth am I going to get out of this one!


Hes clearly delireous cause he was enjoying it, maybe I have pushed him over the edge, shall have to read my ” pushing husbands over the edge” manual when I get home.

Hes sitting at his desk looking really smug, shall give him chick peas and lentils for his dinner, then we shall see who’s flub controller around here!!

Dave of course is having other ideas over the dinner department…..


Some people you just cant help!!!!!!!



4 Responses to “Tubbie or not to be..that is the question…”

  1. travelswithmymotorbike Says:

    Just when I thought life was good….A bloody diet comes along !!

  2. Dave

    Sounds like you need a garden shed mate

    my profound sympathies


    • montieandme Says:

      ahh! took 2 days to get a comment, I was starting to think you were all flubber phobic hahahaha… 🙂
      well done Nikos brave man top of the class….

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