Suppose your all wondering why I have called my blog SEEK AND DESTROY, well I shall tell you, yesterday I was feeling considerably better after my wobbly tummy, got to 4am this morning and off I go again, don’t think my feet actually touched the floor as I flew into the bathroom!! this most certainly is not funny anymore and serious actions are called for..

I have pinned my infliction on one or maybe all of these guys, this  image might be  abit too technical for you all, I am going to seek and destroy these critters if its the last thing I do!!


This is whats happening, (as I have a germ diploma ) germs  (as illustrated above) are male, they run after poor helpless woman, probably the ones that turn fans on, they then hang on until the female( ie me) falls horribly ill..

germs-1Illustration from the University of germs..

What to do… Got up this morning and put on my camouflaged trousers with matching cap, armed myself with the New gun loaded super anti bacterial high powered jet disinfectant, with extra strong bleach…these germs don’t know who they are dealing with, shall tell you about my past SAS training in another blog.

I don’t understand, because I’ve always been known for being house proud, I do all the wifey things and even make a weekly list of jobs to do..


So its beyond me how these germs stood any chance at all of contaminating me, I started on the kitchen, only take half hour, bleach tops down, wash the floor, I proceeded to wash the tops and a mark caught my eye on the cupboard so I bleached that, so then I thought, might as well do the insides as well, emptied all the cupboards binning anything that was more than a day old, I then clocked the fridge, threw everything away cleaned it out several times and moved the microwave to a different unit, which I am sure contributed in the killing of germs, completely stripped the cooker down and binned the chopping board..cant be too careful!! oh the frying pan went as well…

Bathroom: always a good hidey hole for those beasties, so to work…done the usual throwing away of  anything that looked suss including numerous empty bottles of shampoo and a few rusty razors, I read that using half a lemon kills all bacteria, so I sliced one up and rubbed it all over the shower screen, the lemon juice may of worked, but it took me another half an hour to remove all the bits of lemon that got stuck on the glass, these germs are becoming more work than I originally thought.

The lounge, now Dave was in there on his computer which was causing me great concern as I feel a  need to decontaminate the entire room, so I asked him to get me some more bleach from town, now germs are very clever and you always have to be one step ahead of them, so I moved all the furniture about so’s to confuse them, then bleached all the floors, scrubbed all the doors plus handles, gutted Dave’s computer table and threw away the table mats as i’m sure they must of been riddled with germs, I replaced them with the new souvenir mats I bought Dave whilst we were touring, he wanted to keep them boxed but this I decided was a medical emergency…

By the time Dave came back he was wondering what the hell was going on, as he couldn’t find the kettle to make a cuppa and walked into the settee which wasn’t there when he left to go shopping.

Now I must confess I am abit shattered now, this after all should of been a half hour job..maybe I’ve missed a germ or two…

wife cleaning

The Apartment looks clean, well I think it does, I cant see very well as my eyes are streaming and stinging with the fumes of  bleach, and thinking on,  shall have to send Dave out again cause ı’ve thrown most the food away! Dave’s banned from using the kitchen or bathroom as I don’t want it germing up again…

And…I’ve not been on my trusty laptop much today, this is causing me to worry as well as I am having to use the bathroom alot and missing out on important blogs or twitters….

Fear not,  for I have found the answer if my germ ridden body continues to persist..


There’s always an answer, you just have to search for it…

I’m hoping now that after all my hard work it will pay off, after all I have probably saved Dave from the dreaded germ disease, although he seems to think  I have gone slightly over the top …




25 Responses to “SEEK AND DESTROY”

  1. Linda:

    Poor Dave. He’s just sitting there working on his computer, minding his own business, you throw him out of the house, tell him to go get more bleach. I know it is very dark (see comments from yesterday) in there, so in spite, you move all the furniture around so he can’t find it. I know Dave gets hungry, so what do you do . . . you throw all the food out. Now you ban him from the kitchen and the bathroom. Now he has to go outside behind the tree. I’m still not sure if you are going to continue to make dinner or not. I suppose he has to call you “young Lady again” when he gets hungry enough.
    To top it off you also threw away his favourite computer mats. Woe is Dave. Not only do you dictate what he wears, you have invaded his “man space” by rearranging everything.

    bobskoot: wet coast scootin

    • montieandme Says:

      Clostridium botulinum Clostridium botulinum is an anaerobic, Gram-positive, spore-forming rod that produces a potent neurotoxin. The spores are heat-resistant and can survive in foods that are incorrectly or minimally processed. Seven types (A, B, C, D, E, F and G) of botulism are recognized, based on the antigenic specificity of the toxin produced by each strain.So you see bob I have to destroy these for Davids well being…

  2. I am a male germ… give me all your health or the zebra gets it!

  3. Linda…a very funny peice…still laughing out loud…well done…enjoyed it tremendously… you need to kick Dave out, maybe he’ll take the germs for a ride and leave them somewhere else… cheers

  4. Of course he did ma tres chere Linda…who else could ‘ve?
    WE have a terrible heat wave here…have been in the 102 F range all week…I’m thinking of borrowing Dave’s remote controlled fan…

  5. Linda sorry to hear about the wobbly (love this term) stomach. Those germs have certainly met their match! I like the potential remodel to the bathroom – come to think of it, I would use that even if I weren’t sick. It is certainly a step up from what I have now, a magazine rack!

  6. Linda…I must confess, I like Lance like your new office…!

  7. Actually I thought it was very creative and funny…given the circumstances…hope you’re feeling better

  8. Linda:

    As I was just making my Earl Grey tea, it occured to me that you had a better way to blend it .

    I first prehead the mug,
    throw the water out and put in the dry tea bag
    I fill the cup and wait till it steeps to the correct colour
    then I add the suger and finally the milk

    Now I was told before some like to put the milk in first then add the water. then should I add the tea bag, as now it just floats. or should I just put in half the volume of liquid then pour water over the tea bag to “submerge” it ?

    I’m not sure which is the best way, so I consult my “young LADY” expert on these matters

    thanks HUN
    bobskoot: wet coast scootin

  9. montieandme Says:

    Actually Bob I don’t have milk in Earl grey, but making Tetley tea I pre heat mug with hot water, throw the water out, add tea bag, add boiling water submerge it, let it brew for a minute, take the tea bag out, then add a little milk and sugar.

    In my opinion you are an expert tea maker 😉

  10. montieandme Says:

    I have been left on my sick settee while Dave and John Mc Clane go off riding 😦 poor me…

  11. Well Ive been tiling my sons’s bathroom and this is a lesson in yoga positions or was it pilates?
    Oh, look it’s just stopped raining – I might go out on my bike now….

  12. montieandme Says:

    I do yoga ,very relaxing and good for the mind and body…

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